#ItsJoTime The port is out. The August MRI results are back. Kindergarten has started. The past week has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Josephine is fantastic. She walked into the classroom, sat next to a friend from the playground, and didn’t look back. Not that any of you thought she would act “shy” or anything, right? 🙂 In the past seven days, she’s undergone surgery to remove her access port (central line), had icecream for dinner, said good-bye to daycare best friends, started school, went on a ladies lunch date, met with her oncologist, laughed with her clinic nurses about all of the numbing cream she put on her legs before she got her kindergarten shots, and learned 10 different words and phrases in Spanish. I can’t keep up.

The last scan results are great. What’s left of the tumor is even smaller, with no enhancement. Sure, she’s got a bit of swelling left in her brainstem, but nothing is growing in there. We’ll do it all again in three months. The days leading up to the scan are always anxiety-producing, so we will continue to take your light, love, and prayers.

There have been some low points this week as well. Another child of a family we met through this phenomenal cancer community passed away last weekend, and while we were dropping our daughter off to start school, we were also thinking about the families who go through what we’ve been through who never get to do such a thing. After I dropped Josephine off, I sat in the car and tried to compose my thoughts. It was so sunny. It was a perfect 78 degrees. The air smelled of newly mowed grass. The light filtered through the slightly blowing branches. The pale pink crepe myrtle flowers dusted the windshield. Moms and dads pushed strollers and walked their dogs. I just sat there. I had planned to do some work in the two hours before I picked her back up (it was a half day for her), but I could not. I couldn’t drive home. I couldn’t walk around. I could just sit there. I tried to finish the donut from the PTO’s “Boo Hoo Breakfast”. I couldn’t stomach it. I sipped the rapidly cooling coffee. I sat there. The car engine hummed softly. The sunlight got warmer and warmer. And I sat.

I suppose things get easier. There are way more days now I don’t think about cancer than those that I do. But then there are days when I have to sit in silence in a sunny SUV for an hour before anything makes any kind of sense. On Josephine’s last day of Pre-K, an adult in her daycare told me that Josephine was here because there were big plans for her. I am so unexplainably grateful that we are here this week, and I can’t wait to see what she accomplishes – in Kindergarten, and in whatever comes next. She’s ready for it. #ItsJoTime